How Your Heart Wall May Be Hurting Your Relationship

It is difficult for a relationship to reach it’s full potential when there is a barrier between both partners. Often we enter the relationship with our own protective wall in place from past hurtful emotional experiences. This barrier is our Heart Wall, and it creates emotional distance between ourselves and those we love.

The presence of a Heart Wall can leave us longing for deeper connection, understanding, trust, communication and love in our relationships. It is filled with reminders of our painful past. It exists to protect us from experiencing more pain and heartache, but it’s presence can cause our relationship problems. Both partners may misinterpret each other, over react to perceived slights, or feel emotionally triggered by their partner.

These landmines of triggers dotting our relationship landscape can lead to dysfunctional patterns of interacting with one another. Partners can find themselves tip-toeing around each other for fear of creating conflict, instead of addressing and resolving issues when they arise. Over time, resentment can build if we don’t feel understood or heard by our partner. We can even begin to see them as a source of our suffering rather than a loving, supportive and uplifting companion.

If we do not feel seen, heard and understood by our partner, then there is little hope for happiness and fulfillment. Sharing life with a partner who is on the other side of a 50 foot wall of negative energy can be an incredibly frustrating experience.

It is inevitable in a long term relationship that we will experience heartache, be misunderstood, have conflict or be disappointed. None of us are perfect and neither are our relationships. Over time, if negative emotions between partners build, the problems they share can feel irreconcilable.

His heartache, her resentment, his anger, her sadness….we begin to view our partner as partly responsible for our experience of pain. In actuality that might be true, but we may also represent that for them. All these bad feelings build our heart wall, layer upon layer, until there is so much distance between us that we can no longer find our way back to the love and joy we once shared. In fact, 40-50% of marriages end in divorce, and it is likely these couples cannot resolve their differences because they have a Heart Wall.

Benefits of Releasing the Heart Wall

Releasing our Heart Wall opens us up to compassion, forgiveness, reconciliation, love, understanding and connection where it might otherwise not have been possible. It neutralizes the negative emotional charge that previously triggered us into responding negatively to one another. It restores emotional health and balance to many areas of our lives. Releasing the Heart Wall clears the way for forgiveness, compassion and love. When both partners release their heart walls, it can completely transform the relationship.

Couples that clear their Heart Walls together notice not just an improvement in their lives individually, but also in the quality and depth of their relationship. They are able to connect on a deeper level that was not possible for them before. Clearing the walls or emotional barriers that existed between them makes giving and receiving love feel more natural and authentic. They aren’t as easily triggered or reactive, and they are able to communicate more effectively, each approaching the relationship from a better place.

Sometimes our growth is limited by our past hurt and heartache. We may hold back, self sabotage or play small because we are scared. We don’t make a deep connection with another because we do not want to be hurt again. We live on the surface, feeling ok about our lives, but wishing for more. But it is the passion, depth and purpose that make us excited to get out of bed in the mornings. Having a partner who is present and engaged, can enrich our lives tremendously.

Sometimes, as the Heart Wall removal brings clarity, it also helps us see when we are not in a healthy relationship. Perhaps we have not established healthy boundaries, or perhaps the foundation of the relationship was never healthy to begin with. We may recognize that we are no longer willing to tolerate hurtful or abusive behavior in a partner because we do deserve to be loved, valued and respected.

What if My Partner Isn’t Ready?

We cannot force another person to change if they are not ready, we can only choose change for ourselves. Shifting our energy, presence and capacity to love in the relationship will naturally shift the relationship. This will have a positive impact on our relationship dynamics. Our partners will notice the positive changes in us, and the impact those changes are having on our lives.

I have worked with many couples. It is very common for one partner, usually the female, to clear her Heart Wall first. As her husband or partner sees the changes in her, he decides that he wants to clear his Heart Wall as well. Heart Wall clearing has benefits that extend far beyond our relationships. So not only do we increase our capacity for love and connection, but we also improve many other aspects of our lives.

To learn more about your Heart Wall or to book your Heart Wall Clearing, click here.